(Prizewinner in the Olive Lamming Memorial Literary Competition)

Alfred Looney

Next year said the missus you’re to stand for the Keys

of course I said yes as I’m anxious to please

and keep the right side of her as anyone should.

And they would if they had any sense.

Now I’ve retired I’ve not much to do

and a bit more cash would be very nice too,

the perks are quite good if you take them that is.

And you would if you had any sense.

On the fifth of July on the Hill I’d be sat

in my new pin stripe trousers and shiny top hat,

maybe Government House for afternoon tea.

And you would if you had any sense.

They might make you a minister if you showed willing

but at question times you would get a good grilling,

best to keep quiet and sit at the back.

And you would if you had any sense.

Then what if I met my friends in the street

it would not be how are you and what’s all the skeet

but what of those promises you’ve failed to keep.

If you’d stuck to retirement might have been best.

And I should if I had any sense.

(Described as perhaps the Island’s sole surviving native thinker, Ealish is writing a verse epic: The Will of Tynwald. A Child’s Guide to Manx Politics. She lives in Bride, breeds Salukis and rides Suzukis)

Ealish Voght

Who’s the fellow that’s never alone –

courted and flattered, well fed and sleek?

Why, he’s the Minister’s brother in law:

he is a power behind the throne.

But what does he do, what is he for –

nodding and grinning, nothing to say?

Drops a few words in the Minister’s ear –

birds of a feather – need I say more?

Does money change hands, oiling the wheels,

fixer and grifter, those back room boys?

I wouldn’t say that, we’re honest folk here:

in a family way, he just does deals.

Is he above and beyond the law?

A scandal, a sin, a crying shame!

No, he’s decent enough, and what is more,

Triple A rated by Standard & Poor,

Nod and a wink, a word to the wise,

under the counter and underhand?

It’s sensitive stuff, you must understand:

ask no questions and you’ll hear no lies.

So no charisma, but knows the score,

hits the ground running, gets up to speed?

I wouldn’t say that, he’s no ball of fire,

yet steady enough, feet on the floor.

So truth will out, a bit of a bore:

He’s nothing to look at, beige and grey.

Yes, he’s very like his brother in law,

the Minister, as I said before.